Thursday 27 April 2017

Herding cats

There have been some truly valiant efforts , by visionaries and well meaning folk, to corral and herd that most independent of animals- the cat.
Many efforts have, however, been in vain as the cat is probably the most independent and unmanageable animal - it is said that cats adopt their "owners", rather than the other way around.

Image courtesy of Ben Schonewille at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
And yet we must learn from the rare successes and understand the methods and techniques used to achieve the seemingly impossible.  Good cat managers learn to herd or manage even the most recalcitrant of felines.  There are a few key methods:

Feed with cream and fresh salmon:  This method involves pampering the favourites, tempting them to stay in the home or close by, through rewards, reserving special places close to the warm fire and through a laissez-faire atitude towards expectations of actual work.  If the pampered feline does not feel that the warmth and praise that they think they deserve they could simply take up residence in another "owners" home.

Occasional rewards: This involves rewarding the traditional hard work of felines - ridding the premises of pests such as rats and mice.  These cats are expected to earn their meals and are rewarded with occasional tidbits or treats if they limit their hunting to nasty rats and do not disturb valued garden birds.  Worker cats feel fortunate to be rewarded at all and stay close to the home.  All other homes have their own worker cats and so shun those seeking to decamp.

Shotgun approach: This is reserved for the non-working, feral and nuisance cats.  These cats have earned the ire of "owners" by being as indolent as the papmered "cream and salmon" recipients but without the redeeming qualities of either pedigree or rat "kills".  The method involves pointing a shotgun at the feline and pulling the trigger.

Of course, those in positions of power and influence also weild the weapon of regulation - measuring the success of the herd through arbitrary measures, such as: Number of rats killed, success of offspring, presumed "happiness" of other creatures that the herd comes into contact with - typically undertaken by survey techniques.  Some call this Feline Efficiency Technique (F.E.T).  Others call it meddling.






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